A632.6.3RB_CliftonEmily

The cost of conflict as defined by the Levine text, Getting to Resolution: Turning Conflict into Collaboration (2009) is broken down into four categories:

1.       Direct Cost: literal cost in monetary value

2.       Productivity Cost: the cost of time lost

3.       Continuity Cost: the cost of relationships

4.       Emotional Cost: the cost of emotional pain

The whole idea of the cost of conflict makes so much sense to me as I hate arguing and confrontation; however as an alpha that attracts other alphas it seems inevitable. Arguing, it seems, is the only way some individuals know how to communicate. Conflict drives their lives. For example there was only once section of this course opened when it first was offered. Once the roster began to fill I saw several names of those who thrive on drama and conflict and after a quick assessment of what the conflict costs would be I contacted my Advisor and requested to be removed from that section and placed into the second section that was finally opened. The result? I now only have class with one other individual who works for Worldwide and there is very little conflict to speak of other than the normal stressors associated with going to school while working full time. The other class? The amount of productivity, continuity, and emotional costs are astounding.

On another note, my significant other and I have been going through quite a rough patch lately and it seems that all we do is argue. I have had more than ample time to figure the conflict costs associated with the relationship. We recently went on vacation and had the most wonderful time together, we agreed that if we were going to stay together nothing could be the same when we returned home and resumed normal life. Both of us had to make some changes. So far this has been successful and upon reading Levine’s (2009) Ten Principles of New Thinking, I can see how Tom and I have adapted some of these principles in our relationship. Instead of fostering conflict we are actively trying to foster collaboration, instead of posturing we are being more open, we are disclosing feelings more effectively, and learning to resolve rather than win an argument. Even as an alpha, I neglected to be open and honest about my feelings especially if they are negative, as I was concerned with confrontation. Now I am more open and there has been little issue with it, he takes my input far better than I would have thought. I can see him actively trying and it makes me want to try as well.

While I am not a fan of conflict, it should be noted than sometimes it cannot be avoided. There are instances when standing up for yourself and your feelings is necessary as to avoid mistreatment. If those you come to with this do not understand or are unwilling to take your feelings into consideration the conflict may show you that it is best to walk away now. The cost of conflict is much greater if you stay to long.

References:

Levine, S. (2009). Getting to resolution turning conflict into collaboration (2nd ed.). San Francisco, CA: Berrett-Koehler Publishers.